Summer months always bring out the crickle-cray fashion sense of the heat-deranged general public. There's the tried and true jort and crop top combo which is really only appropriate in metropolitan areas or the shore during a heatwave (read: now). Let us also not forget the charming high sock and slip on athletic sandal adoration that will not seem to die. These are trends that I think are pretty common and most sensible people can agree should be banned for the sake of all things good and beautiful. I've noticed a couple more trends that I'm hoping other people have noticed too and equally judge:

1. The Diaper Jort*

    The diaper jort, made famous in my opinion by Miley Cyrus and other like-minded fools, is a look that is sweeping the nations youth, and in some severe cases, tragically hip adults. It is characterized by jorts that are clearly too short for the wearer as their assets become exposed to the balmy summer air. Here's my beef. I understand that it's a tear inducing hot pot of doom these days out in the wilds of suburbia, but there are other ways to beat the heat. There are these things called skirts that allow for maximum airflow but also provide coverage to the places that need them most. Even if you have a cute backside, this aggressive style just makes me think of you as an overgrown hipster baby. Ain't nobody need that.

2. The Almost-Zipped*

    Ah, the almost zipped. I believe this is a newer trend, typically amongst beach goers. This look is not to be confused with the unfortunate "pants-are-too-tight-zipper-constantly-falls-down" type. Nono. This look is intentional and weird. It makes me nervous. You look like you're in some bizarre gang that preys primarily on the weak and the young. Are you drunk? Do the shorts actually just not fit at all so you pretend it's your artistic license to wear them like you wanna start a beach brawl? Some secrets never reveal themselves. 

With all these soul-crushing summer fashion flops, it's nice to see that some people are making the right choices. Personal fave of the moment: Maxi dresses and skirts. With the right cut and color, everyone can look like a goddess in these beautiful yet utilitarian pieces. You go Glen Coco!

* Titles are subject to changed based on my growing outrage of said trends.